those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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