Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
