Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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