Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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