Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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