What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize