What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
