shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
