Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
