R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
