woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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