why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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