Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
