Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
