OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
