two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
