"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize