WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
