ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
