let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
