now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
