I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
