I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my sisters under your porch take her home
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
