the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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