Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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