This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
