I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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