You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
zippers are such a cool invention
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
