hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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