If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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