you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
