Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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