Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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