You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
