like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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