Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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