No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
