i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
