she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
