dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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