theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
