mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
