Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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