Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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