Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
