if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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