chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
