I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
