Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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