I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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