My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
