1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
