i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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