I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
