I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
