Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
