quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
