The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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