I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
