We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
