Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
