I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
