I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
